Kirkus
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The challenges and rewards of human connection. The charming, accessible latest by organizational psychologist Grant (Think Again, 2021) takes a potentially unwieldy topic and breaks it down into manageable segments. Rather than think of human relationships as interchangeable—or break them into the usual categories, such as friend, relative, or co-worker—he suggests we might be better off looking at them under four new groupings: associates, allies, pals, and companions. Associates are “transactional ties,” allies “partnerships based on purpose,” pals “alliances of amusement,” and companions “connections based on care.” While a single person might fall into more than one category or evolve from one to another, Grant makes the point that noticing just what we expect to get out of a relationship makes it easier, both to get into sync and to manage our expectations. “If we can vibe spontaneously with some of the people some of the time, why can’t we do it deliberatively with more of the people more of the time?” he asks. He delves into one-on-one relationships, whether between couples or friends or co-workers, as well as group relationships large and small. Resisting jargon and confining close examination of research studies to the endnotes, the author remains both optimistic and down-to-earth in his approach to a complicated topic. He uses examples from his own experience and that of others, including three seemingly incompatible astronauts who had to learn to co-exist for almost six months on a journey in space and the members of Metallica, who employed a psychologist to keep the band from breaking up. “Double-blind experiments and Venn diagrams are my love language,” he jokes, and he includes plenty of the latter in the book, along with entertaining cartoons. While he maintains that “this is an idea book, not a self-help book,” readers will find many suggestions for building and improving relationships. Practical and informative advice for understanding and deepening attachments. Copyright © Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.